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Stupid Karl Jokes

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Number 2



     200. "I’ve got swamp ass!" Brian

     201. "Dude, what are you trying to do, construct my stomach? Uh, I mean constrict." Matt

     202. "Dude, this soda is blonde, I mean diet!" Matt

     203. "That is a Swiss army tie!" Brian’s friend Nick

     204. "Did you get windburn on your ass from that fart?" Brian’s friend Nick

     205. "Do you have a smoking preference?" "Uhh....... Marlboro." Waitress and Matt

     207. "That fucking shits!" Johnnay 5/7/96

     208. "He hired P.J. Carli....., P.J. Carli...., P.J. Carli....., The head coach of Seton Hall!" Johnnay 5/9/96

     209. "Is Johnnay there?" "He’s in the clapper." Bobby Kaelin

     210. "Drew is still in Central Coast time!" Rich

     211. "Drew’s dad grabbed the house!" Styk

     212. "Karl, I’m having a 4th of July party!" "Really, what day are you having it?" Nick and Karl

     213. "Dude, you gotta watch the MTV music awards!" "Oh yeah? What channel is it on?" Jeff Alexander and Karl

     214. "Don’t spill the rug!" Nick

     215. "Karl, you are a wedge pound!" Nick

     216. "That is a nice necklace, I mean briefcase, uh bracelet!" Karl

     217. "The governors are too busy trying to get raisons for themselves!" Dave

     218. "The sun doesn’t come out this early down the shore!" Cindy at 9:30 AM

     219. "How do you want your eggs? How do you make eggs?" Kristy

     220. "Matt’s feet don’t get wet in the shower." "Neither does the tub." Karl and Brandon

     221. "The more yellow the piss is, the less hydrated you are, right?" "No, the clearer your

     piss is, the more hydrated you are." Brett and Karl

     222. "The ball almost hit the giant goose on the court, uh, I mean course!" Matt

     223. "I almost knocked the goal off the net!" Grant

     224. "There seems to be a cess-pool of Bentleys!" Brett

     225. "Karl, do you want a thirsty?" Matt 1/19/97

     226. "I’m gonna mail a stamp!" Karl 1/18/97

     227. "Matt’s feet stink!" "That’s probably because I have my hand on my balls!" Matt and Brandon 1/28/97

     228. "Mark, you couldn’t catch him if you had a motor shoved up your ass!" Rich 2/14/97

     229. "Do those come in adult size?" Ray in a men’s bathroom

     230. "Keith, don’t you have to sit to pee?" Ray

      231. "Why aren’t their jerseys dirty?" "Because they’re waterproof!" Karl and Rich

     232.  "I have to put gas in my tire." Matt 3/30/97

     233.  "Karl, you’re a chap hat!" Matt 3/30/97

     234. "Pick her up like a watermelon." Matt 3/30/97

      235. "Karl, you have shrimp ass on your friggin forehead. " Shannon 4/15/97

      236. "Is Nick that Mexican who lives in Costa Rica?" Karl 4/20/97

      237.  "What is that movie ‘Silence is Golden’ about?" Cindy 4/23/97

      238.  "Look, it’s a Jew and a Hymie." Karl 4/6/97

      239.    "August is the toughest time of the month!" Brandon, July 4th, 1997

      240.   "Dogs are like fresh water sharks!" Karl, July 4th, 1997

      241.    "Horse horse, uhh, I mean Horse number 3!" Deaner, 7/22/97

      242.    "I have 1 minute until race 20!" Dean before buying a ticket for race 1 that was 20 minutes away.

     243.     "Look, there are walking people out there!" Johnnay, 8/12/97

     244.    "Did you ever notice that most waitresses are good looking?" Johnnay, 8/12/97

     245.     "Either there is something wrong with the lighter, or my thumb is broken." Matt, 8/19/97

     246.     "I went to Wade’s tavern and they had penny cent night!" Karl 8/15/97

     247.     "I’m as high as a brick!" Matt 9/5/97

     248.     "Where is the cup and saucer quartet, uh, I mean ensemble." Matt 9/5/97

     249.     "O-R-L-E - S-E-X, that’s what it means to me…. Wait, that is not how you spell oral!" Matt trying to sing the Respect song 9/6/97

     250.    "That dude was bottle-necking it, uh, I mean rubbernecking." Matt 9/7/97

     251.     "Would you join me for a cup of sink water?" Karl & John in Ireland 10/26/97

     252.     "Karl, You are a Benedict Arnell!:" Kathy Ward 10/27/97

     253.     "Did you ever notice that there are no black people in the Jeffersons?" Karl 10/27/97

     254.     "Give me my house, I mean water!" Matt 11/16/97

     255.     "Saskatchewan? Isn’t that the guy who Lee Majors used to beat up?" Matt 11/16/97

     256.    "Be Careful." Matt warning Karl after sitting on a broken chair 11/16/97

     257.     "The moonwalk room!" Matt taking Karl into the Kitchen to show him how to moonwalk

     258.     "Let’s go to the 7-house, uh 7-11." Matt 11/16/97

     259.     "Yo bitch, I’m trying to look at the map in my head!" Matt 11/16/97

     260.     "I have the capability of surrapting an hour!" Matt 11/16/97

     261.     "Shit! I think we smoked half of my face!" Matt 11/16/97

     262.     "I’m gonna kick you in the onion!" Matt 12/29/97

      263.    "It sounds like somebody is running around grabbing pounds." Matt 12/29/97

       264.   "I’m gonna kick you in the cornea!" Shannon

       265.  "I’m gonna step on your toe until you are dead!" Shannon

       266.  "Open the dick, uh, I mean window!" Matt 3/1/98

       267.   "There is a difference between scrambled and hardcore scrambled" Bill 5/22/98

       268.  "Dude, look at the food full of all that table!" Matt 9/2/98

       269.   "Tommy is that your wallet beeping?" Drew 10/2/98

       270.  "Tommy, the stock market is going so far south, when you put me on hold, the music was the sound of penguins chirping." Styk

       271.   "Let’s go to the pizza mouse." Matt 10/11/98

       272.   "I'm gonna get Frost burn!"  Mark 4/7/99

       273.   "Aren't the yearbooks on the Ottoman?" Trish 4/6/99

       274.  "I'm gonna be 29 the day after my birthday!"   Trish 2/14/99

       275.  “Keep it on the way-low”  Karl 12/4/99

       276.   “Dad’s gonna have a cornea when he hears about this one!” Karl 12/5/99

       277.   “This is the last Christmas of 1999.”  Trish 12/24/99

       278.  “I’m gonna be stoned until (exhale) 4-Day”  Matt 8/1/99

279.    “Monkey…..Bomb…..person!”  Karl 8/1/99

280.    “I’ll have the prime rib, baked potato, and salad with French Fry dressing.”  Inga, 12/31/99

281.    “Virginia – One bass-ackwards town!”  Karl 1/7/00

282.    “Ladies, if you’re interested, there is an auto race on TV inside.” Ray

283.    “Arty is so tense right now, you couldn’t shove a needle up his ass with a jackhammer.” Ray

284.    “Oh, I’m sorry, Long Duck Silver.”  Karl talking to Brandon 3/26/00

285.    “If you got a girlfriend, you got problems.”  Bill Brooks 4/14/00

286.    “Don’t want it, don’t need it!”  Karl talking about the backboard 4/14/00

287.    “You know why they have backboards in basketball?  Because white people use them.”  Bill Brooks 4/14/00

288.    “Blow me, give me a hand job.”  “Let me rub my dick on your ass.”  Bill Brooks 4/14/00

289.    “I’m gonna do her like a stamp….I’m gonna lick her, and then I’m gonna fuck her!”  Karl 5/27/00

290.    “I’m gonna leave a dick-mark!”  Karl 5/27/00

291.    “Sluts are gonna carry turtles?” Sheri 5/27/00

292.    “Way to go, Miss Cleansley!”  Karl 5/27/00

293.    “Sorry, I didn’t realize there was a towel cold!”  Karl 5/28/00

294.    “Brandon hit the tee box with the horse shoes.”  Karl 5/28/00

295.    “Right about time, the funk soul brother!”  Craig 5/28/00

296.    “Welcome to Hilton, how can I talk to you?”  Craig, 5/28/00

297.    “Jenn’s doing Riverboat dancing!”  Karl 6/2/00

298.    “Look, I found a silver-dollar!”  Karl finding a sand dollar in the ocean 6/2/00

299.    “Is it far tide?”  Jenn 6/2/00

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