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Number 2


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Ray Clark's Classic Poems


Christmas is a joyful time of year

Especially at Happy Valley where there is much beer.

Michelob to Miller, Coors to Bud

Cold Busch and warm Bush, and even old mud.

No matter the beer it all makes you pee

Even Colt 45, endorsed by Billy Dee.

The name may be happy, but the girls live in fear

Cause Johnnay wants to get laid before the new year.

All cleaned up and a prophylactic in his pocket

Just waiting to cover his Bulging Johnnay Rocket.

Out to the G-Man all the boys go

Hoping to score some Happy Valley Ho.

The Irish muff-diver we all know as K.P.

The way he moves his tongue, once made a blind girl see.

If dick was money, he'd have all the riches,

Behind Cindy's back, Karl gets all the bitches.

Then there's Johnnay with his raging hard on.

But when the girls get close, Mr. Willy is gone.

They scoped the place out, but it was a dead scene.

So they took a couple of honies back to Two-Fourteen (214).

Steve was away and the fellas had much hope,

John got back to the room and started smoking the dope.

After a half of a beer, Johnnay acts like he's drunk.

He didn't even inhale, that wimp ass punk.

K.P. did his Ghandi and Johnnay did his Mick,

Both trying to impress this bomb-ass chick.

They cracked up the room and got the big laugh,

Karl puked on himself, so they gave him a bath.

Johnnay said, "It's the season to be giving."

She said, "Over my dead body, and I'm still living."

K.P.'s chick was giving and he wasn't sharing the wealth,

Johnnay said, "Like momma always told me, I gotta jerk it myself."

After K.P. did the do and shot the gap,

He laid down after a long winter's nap.

Johnnay had to act fast and use his head,

For once in his life, the one below his belt instead.

Johnnay dropped his pants and to the babe's shock,

He wrapped mistletoe all over his cock.

He said, "I wanna get laid before the new year!"

She said, "If it came down to you and Rudolpfh, Id be fucking the deer."

In 1993, the bulge wasn't set free.

So 1994 the bulge will be knocking at your door.

Female or Male or some fuzzy animal friend.

Just watch your back, you might get it in THE END.....



Coming home after a hard night of drinkin'

Johnnay was wasted off his ass and his breath was a stinkin'.

Stumbling to his room, couldn't drink another drink,

Just wanted to sleep, after he whacked off in the sink.

Slid his key in the door to room two, one, four,

Flung the door wide open and his eyes couldn't believe

It was his buddy K.P, and not his buddy Steve.

What a great surprise, Johnnay wiped his eyes,

K.P. was gettin' busy between some girl's thighs.

He had his hands on her tits, an he was suckin' her mouth.

Big Red was coming up and things was gettin' hard down south.

Not knowing what to do and too drunk to leave,

He flew into his bedroom with their anal retentive buddy Steve.

Steve was sound asleep, he didn't hear the thumpin',

the bangin', the grindin', the humpin', the bumpin'.

His red hairy ass was moving underneath those sheets,

Needless to say there was rejoicing in the streets.

As Johnnay looked on, a tear came to his eye.

Then he began to sing an Irish lullabye.

Steve finally woke up, and came to look at last,

As he got to the door, he put his hand on Johnnay's ass.

Big Red got his and the bulge's time will come,

Whoops, I didn't mean to make that pun.


Matt Robinson's Deep Thoughts - 3/24/03

Brandon Rant - 3/16/03

Ray-Ray's Funny e-mail - 4/7/03