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Number 2
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From Branon Moyer:
The class-action suit filed against
McDonald's last week claiming the defendant's food is at fault for their
health problems, has had a ripple-effect throughout our nation. The
magnitude of the lawsuit's impact is still being realized as Americans
across all demographics begin a wholesale review of their lifestyles. The
average person now must face the prospect of a heretofore unrealized world
of danger that lurks behind every paper plate, pillow, shoelace and any
other daily impedimenta. Initial findings are numerous and shocking. For
example:
A 50 year old Nebraska man
discovered the inherent danger of walloping his testicles with a hammer.
Consequently, he has filed a $10 million suit against both Crafstman
(the hammer's manufacturer), and American Home Furnishings (manufacturer
of the chair on which he was seated). The plaintiff, in addition
to being angry with Craftsman for failure to warn against the dangers of
blunt deceleration trauma and human scrota, took issue with American
Home Furnishings' negligence in appraising the public of the potential
danger of their products' usage as a platform for smashing one's love
eggs.
- A suit has been filed against
Vaseline, Redken and the Zippo Manufacturing Co. by the parents of two
16 year old boys - one whose face suffered 3rd degree burns
while the other had his ass blown off. Details are sketchy, but it
would appear that the boys were unaware of how dangerous it is to ram
a can of Redken's Airtight Lockout Finishing Spray which is 4" in
diameter - hence the need for Vaseline - into your rectum and light
the spray
Matt Robinson's Deep
Thoughts - 3/24/03
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