New Stadium Announced!
The city of Berlin has announced the building of a new football stadium
for its beloved Bratwurst - an agreement that will keep the football
powerhouse in Berlin for at least the next 30 years. "We knew that
Olympia Stadion was not the right stadium for the Bratwurst to flourish
in, because it is more of a soccer stadium," said Berlin's mayor,
Wowereit. "When G.M. Karl Grieb came to me asking for the stadium, I
didn't know what the taxpayers would think, but when we proposed this to
them, they overwhelmingly voted for the 1% sales tax increase in order
to fund the stadium.
"There were other cities in Germany ready to accept us with open
reported Grieb. "Cities such as Munich, Stuttgart, Hamburg, and
Frankfurt all put in great offers, but we didn't think the name Hamburg
Bratwurst sounded very appetizing. We're tickled to be staying in
"Blueprints of the stadium look marvelous, and we plan to have
puppy up and ready to go for next season," said an ambitious Grieb.
stadium will seat approximately 65,000 fans, and will also accomodate
the oompah band, and the Shoe Plattlers, both of which have become a
common attraction at the games. Additionally, our stadium will boast the
largest variety of German beers available for sale, in addition to
serving hometown favorite foods such as Wienerschnitzel, Sauerbraten, and
Bratwurst of course."
The Bratwurst will also help to fund the construction of the stadium
through marketing cooperatives and naming rights with businesses. "We
have already gotten offers from companies such as Johnsonville Brats,
Dietz and Watson, and Bayer," said Grieb. "We'll sort through
make sure that this stadium has that 'German' feel to it."